People-pleasing and how you create the thing you actually fear

It's vulnerable to be seen...like really seen.

It's normal to put up defenses to guard against feeling exposed...especially if you've had experiences in the past that didn't turn out too well when you did.

People-pleasing is a subconscious strategy to secure acceptance...to feel safe...to feel loved.

The role of people-pleasing is to make yourself into some version of yourself that others will find acceptable.

So in an attempt to not be left/rejected/abandoned, you mold yourself into a form that will endear yourself to others.

You ingratiate yourself to other people in order to have stable footing with them so they won't find you dispensable and leave you behind one day.

But in the process of people-pleasing, you have to shove your true self in the closet. You can't be your real authentic true self if you're doing a dance for other people all the time to make them like you.

What actually happens is that you attract fair-weathered friends, people who use and abuse your generosity, people who are incapable of dependable heartfelt connections.

And the people who truly want to get to know you get the feeling that you, the REAL you, is not there or is...unreachable...inaccessible. The real you is hidden.

Real people who are genuine, yearn for genuine connection with others.

So if you're hiding yourself, albeit in an attempt to protect yourself from being left/rejected/abandoned, it is felt by an authentic person as disingenuous.

So they leave.

They fade or disconnect.

And you are left feeling abandoned.

So the thing that you feared the most is the thing you actually created.

You adopted a false persona in order to make sure you wouldn't be abandoned. But you attracted people who ultimately abandoned you.

Don't adjust yourself to be pleasing to others. If they need you to be someone else to stay in their lives, they do not love you; they are attached to the hole that you fill in their lives.

You deserve to be seen and appreciated and celebrated and LOVED fully for who you truly are.

Be that.

There is only one of you in the whole entire world.

And we need you.

Sending you all so much love

~Mandi